For Maddy's Sake

I know I know... I always have every intention to keep up with these things and then I fail miserably after a few weeks (or days). But here I am!! And thanks to my dear friend Maddy, who is probably the only person who read this, I have encouragement to keep plodding through.

Not much to update on the wedding. Work, school, my sister being 4 weeks or less away from having her baby girl (and me planning her baby shower), Cody getting his house ready to sell, and everything else under the sun has been keeping me busy enough.I haven't had much time to work on wedding details, much to my dismay. And stress level.

I do have something that's been on my mind today, though. I know I haven't done very well at updating this thing, but if you saw me in person you would be hearing about wedding-wedding-wedding all of the time. I'm excited! However, I think many people (and rightfully so) could get the impression that that is what I'm excited for. The wedding. And I can happily say, they're wrong. Of course I'm excited to have my dream wedding, but more than that I'm excited to marry my dream man (cheesy, I know. But true)! I'm excited to marry Cody, I'm excited to be a wife. I'm excited to work every day at fulfilling all of the expectations that God has of our holy covenant we are entering. I've been reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, and I recommend it to anyone who is getting married, married, or even thinking about it...

"God designed marriage to make us holy, not to make us happy."

Wow. I mean, wow! I went to Barnes and Noble a few months ago, saw that on the cover of the book, and knew I wanted to read it immediately. And I think that so many people miss this. Just look at the divorce rate. If you're not happy, if you don't 'love' them anymore, if they're not acting exactly as you desire, then just divorce them and find someone you do... right? It kills me that to this day people walk down the aisle thinking "If it doesn't work out, we can just get a divorce!" Cody told me from the very beginning of our relationship that divorce just was not an option for him, and that he did not agree with how quickly people jump to that as the answer. Not that either of us cast judgment on anyone that has gone through a divorce, however.

So, I was at work the other day and it was just my manager, Tim, and me in the store. One of our regular (and slightly strange) customers came in. He is always on his computer writing Christian books, and even has a few that are published. And he is strange. Tim calls him an "extreme Christian," and there are a lot of things that he talks about that I don't agree with. My manager and I were discussing some of his more radical things he's said to us when he said with disgust, "Do you know what he said to me the other day?? He told me that 'God designed marriage to make us holy, not to make us happy.' " I was slightly offended that he was so appalled by this statement, and extremely sad that he was. It just proved how distorted people's perception of marriage has become.

I told Tim that I actually agree with that statement (he was a bit shocked). God designed marriage to make us more Christ-like. He uses it as a tool, a discipline and a motivation to love Him more and to reflect the character of Jesus Christ. We are called to love our spouses when they are unlovable. Respect them unfailingly. Seek forgiveness humbly, and put down your pride to graciously extended it (even when you don't think they deserve it). Everything in a marriage is "filled with prophetic potential." Does Christ love us only when we are following him steadfast? Does He forgive us, only when we deserve it? (When do we ever deserve His forgiveness?) Does He respect us only when we are doing something admirable?

No. The answer is a resounding NO.

So what are we to do? We are to strive every day to lose our selfishness, our pride, our wants and desires, and be like He has called us to be. Fail, but try again immediately after. Right now I find myself failing a lot. Cody is better at forgiveness than I am. He is better at being selfless. I feel guilty for letting him down, and for not fulfilling the role that he deserves. But I desire to, and I know what I should be doing, and that is the first step. I cannot wait to be married to him and to practice it every day. Our marriage will shape us as followers, disciples, and mold us more to reflect His image. It will make us holy.

Someone told me, "God wants us to be happy," and I'm sure He does. He rejoices when we are happy.. when we are doing something pleasing to Him. But He does not put us through situations where the only outcome is our happiness. And that is not, in my opinion at least, what he created marriage for.

I know that I am in no way an expert on marriage. I am not in the position to tell people what they are doing wrong, or to act like I have experience on the subject in any way! I don't. I know I will learn so much, and that it will be harder than I could ever imagine. However, I do feel confident in my knowledge of how it should be.. and I think that's a very important component.

And I cannot wait to start learning, failing, growing, and being holy with Cody :) Now we are just 160 days, one florist, one baker, and five bridesmaid dresses away.